Monday, August 29, 2011

it's holiday?!

Tomorrow is a holiday but I'm not happy because I'm having a bad toothache... Most importantly, I got tonnes of "To-do-list" for this week. My time is fully occupied lolx~

Ever since my result released, I've not been having a good day. I'm sick before result released; And, I continue sick after my result released. Aduh...I don't know what life am I having now!!! So sick with my life now but I've got no choice. How I wish more time is given to me...... I really got a lot of things in my mind that I wanted to do.

Why on earth is my life full of cross road?! Is it because of "the road not taken"?! Sometimes, I really thought of what if I didn't choose this road at the first place. Would that make any difference?! Or, just another similar route?!

Most of my friends keep asking me am I sure to take up four subjects this sem?! I've been giving them the same old answer all these while — "Yes, I'm sure". However, deep inside my heart I'm doubt about that. It's not an easy decision to make though. Taking four at once is quite time consuming and hard also but I really don't like to let it to extent till next sem. That would be slightly too long. By giving up any one subject from what I'm taking at present would be a waste since I'm already in the middle of the syllabus.
Decisions really do make my life hard. I HATE making decisions badly!!!

~Life's really full of possibility and it's hard to manipulate~

Friday, August 26, 2011

Cross road...

I was like wandering around a cross road these few days... Ever since the result released, I've not been in a good state. Though I didn't show them my actual feeling, but I know that deep inside my heart I'm very moody and sad~

From time to time, whenever I started to talk about this topic with another person, I started to feel the pain and sadness. People can't tell what I'm feeling now, but I can hide what I'm feeling now. I know I'm very moody......
Whenever I started to get myself into something to do, I would realised that I'm paying full attention at the same time moody. I can get very grumpy easily and upset. People around me tried to advice me to let go, to work harder this sem and even to pray hard for a better result. Nevertheless, sometimes it's easier to say than to do!!! I don't have the confidence at all!!! I'm totally lack of confidence now...!!!

I planned to have a study group with my friends who are also self studying this round. However, I find them quite reluctant to have study group. May be it's due to the coming holidays. They are in the mode of playing rather than studying. Well, I don't know them. Worst come to worst, I'll have it with another friends coming all the way from Sibu just for the sake of this group study idea!!!
I don't mind in fact...I can always study alone. Just that I thought that it's better to study together and explore together rather than I study here, you study there. Then, when got something not clear, come to me again. If I didn't study that part yet, how am I gonna answer?!

I just don't understand least give me some better excuse ma~ Planned to go cafe area, said spend money, would not be able to concentrate; Planned to go house, said too far or I don't know where. Complain here complain there, end up said not gonna join the group. Giving lame excuses some more. Okay, may be I'm just being moody here, that's why I got angry of them now~

Speechless with their attitude!!! Don't want to fail, please do something le~ =.=|||

Monday, August 22, 2011

~Announcement of Failure~

I've been having a bad day before result release. When I recalled about last night, I think all these was a sign of failure. I've been having a bad headache yesterday......

This morning, I was totally not in the mood. Apart from the headache that I'm still having, I really can't stop myself to bother about result. I was calculating time throughout my lesson in class. When the lecturer kept reminded us about the result releasing soon, I really felt so bad about it.
The moment I heard people reporting themselves failing their last sitting examination, I started to scared. I was like freak out by then~ I asked around for more possibility of good results, but I ended up receiving more bad news. Failed one, failed two...almost pass!!! I can't hold that anymore.

I'm scared to log on to my account to take a look at it. At first, I said I'm not going to look at it until 5pm. Yet, the moment I got home, I browse through then I realised there's no need to check on it after 5pm. If I failed, then I'll still fail no matter when I check on it. I really did open my mail to have a look. Guess what?! I was so disappointed with myself......
I'm totally speechless to see myself failing my taxation too. I didn't expect myself to fail this paper. I've been expecting my law to fail all these while but not for my taxation. When I saw the marks, I really want to bang myself to the wall!!! Almost there...just a few more steps to the passing door~ Now, I've to restart everything just because of the few steps.

I'm kind of phobia to retake those failed in fact. Don't know I can do that or not this coming sitting......

So heart breaking now......I'm leave totally speechless!!! I need more time to get back to normal. Where are my lucky charm?! I need you!!!!!!!!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

I want MIRACLE...

At this point of time, I have no other but worry...... WORRY, WORRY, WORRY!!! I'm worry to the max now. It's 19th of August today!!! OMG...!!! I'm curious; I'm worry; I'm of no way, but nervous~

I told myself to be easy. After all, I have made the great deal to myself. If, if I were to fail, I shall fail only F4, ONLY F4!!! That's more. I can bear no more than that. I'm gonna be crazy if the time go slower, but I'm gonna worry to dead if the time go faster...... I don't know what I want!!!

I know I'm not the only one worrying now. Nevertheless, I can't help myself. Nothing can ever stop me from thinking about it. Though I've tried to talk to my friends about it, but they also feel worry and nervous now. Everyone is counting towards the day of the result coming out. I wonder I would be able to go to class and sit right there as usual?! 

I remember last lesson I was having fun because of some funny people asking funny questions and doing silly mistakes. Imagine she was not paying attention during the lesson which was very obvious (from my point of view), then she asked the lecturer: "Since the depreciation is more than the cost on the third year, the answer suppose to be in negative, right?!" Hahaha laugh out loud!!! Obviously, the answer is due to wrong calculation...try to press your calculator also know the answer la~ There's another time she made herself silly too. The lecturer asked:"20x4-20x6 is how many years?" I remembered she answered:" It's 6 years." Unbelievable answer I've ever heard!!! Well, of course, that was the time when there's no worry.

How would the day be to me?! Would it be a bad and sad day or rather a day full of miracle?! Huh...I don't know either~ Lets hope for the best!!! I'm in no's a bad, bad August to me! :(

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

tHe conFlict of emO aNd stRess part II

what makes me conflicting again today?! well, today i have my first progress test for my audit and assurance paper. it's very easy yet so difficult......i could hardly thought of those points that i've memorised last night, not to say to pour it all out into a page of essay~
before the exam, i'm totally stressed up. i'm having an option to study, but i'm motivated to chat with my old friend who is leaving soon; during the exam, i'm stressed to answer the questions presented to me. 
after the exam, i'm totally blur!!! i don't know what am i doing?! all i know is that one of my old classmate is going to go abroad. she's going else where today...going some where far away from me to further her education. it's something good and perfect in fact. nevertheless, i'm emo-ing now. though we have had a lot of fun before she left for her better future, i'm still having a bit of sadness hiding deep inside my heart~
i shall miss my friend a lot. she's going there for three years. three years can do a lot of things. by then, i should be working either.
friends will be flying one by one to their destined place...and i'm still here as usual!!! sometimes, i do hope that i could fly to somewhere far far away...i would rather choose to fly abroad than seeing my group of close friends flying one by one. i don't mind to experience the feeling of leaving all my friends and family here for a moment though~
i started to miss her, miss all my friends...and i felt guilty for not being able to skype with her last night. it's was just a small request from her last minute before she fly, yet i didn't manage to fulfill her. i'm guilty!!!
currently, i'm preparing a slide of our photos as a memory of our friendship. hope i can get it done perfectly...~

p.s. emo-ing mode now...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Conflict of Ease and Stress~

It's been a long time I didn't update my blog. might thought that a week is not a long time, but within this week time really do mean a lot to me. With the beginning of this week, I start to feel the stress within myself. Today is Wednesday. By right, I'm ease to know that today is Wednesday. Nevertheless, I'm also stress to know that today is already Wednesday.

I've started my new semester now. At first, I felt like exciting. I'm curious for everything - the lecturers, my course mates, my course notes and of course, my results too. Everything were not in my expectation so far.

Lets use my Financial Reporting lesson for instance. I'm not quite surprised that my new lecturer would be a lot different from the last lecturer's performance. She's not just different, but also so in a mess. I can see her improving and changing way of lecture in order to fit with our expectation. However, she still need a lot of improvement, either from lecture or time management. Okay, she's new! I understand her, but who will understand me?! At least she's on the path to success...ME, just on my way~

Another torturing moment would be my Audit and Assurance lesson. It's a long weekend I'm having last week. Starting from Friday night, I've been doing the work of copying. No doubt, she's a environmental friendly lecturer I've ever seen. She suggested for us to copy our own notes instead of using a ready made notes from her. Although both notes would end up the same as from her, but her main idea is that, students can remember better through copying rather than just read what is there.

Could you imagine a long hours classes of eight to nine hours and you have to do all the copying work?! I bet you'll die of copying one day......I'm not kidding you know!!! After the weekend block, I've recalculated roughly how many foolscap I've used, and I found out that I've copied about fifteen foolscap of both side (fully utilised). Imagine you copy from 1pm-10pm, then the next day you continue from 8am-6pm......that was truly a long hour of hand exercise~ Oh!! More surprisingly, we are required to sit for our first progress test after the last three days of long hours classes. UNBELIEVABLE!!!

I'm not ready for the test yet so far as I'm still in the stress mode with my financial course. I'm glad that I didn't take three subjects at once. Looks like I've made a right choice though I felt like I've been wasting a lot of my time all this while.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

am in no mood...

Today I've been very lazy. Is it because of the weather or what?! I also don't know. Just being lazy I guess..that's all~

The weather has been very bad lately, extremely hot I shall say. Today, the weather just nice. A bit cloudy and not as hot as usual days. These is great in fact. However, I felt so moody. I'm in no mood neither for homework nor story books. What I could think of is "I am so tired."~~

Don't know why, but today sounds quiet in every aspect. Everyone is having their own probs, so do I!!! My biggest prob is "How am I gonna get through this f7 paper?". I find myself very blur in this so called IAS thingy. My lecturer isn't giving me a clear picture anywhere. I don't like her course material either. godness!!! It's just the second lesson and I already have such a problem with her. How to survive till the end???

Sometimes, there are certain things that we can't actually just depends on memorising. I don't even think memorise do give me a helping hand here. How do memorise when I'm not sure what is it talking about?! I really really lost my confidence now...

Moreover, about a few weeks later would be my result day. What else would I need to do...?! If I were to fail one of my paper, I would be in a big trouble as well. My maximum limit is one paper only. The one and only paper that I'm not giving it a big hope~~~
Of course, I hope for some miracle to happen. It would be better if I pass all the three of it ",)

Monday, August 1, 2011

My last holiday & my first day of class

Well, I ended up spending my last holiday with a book fair held at Crown Square yesterday. I saw some nice second hand books~ Yeah, there were a lot of them until I don't even know which shall I choose. I walked around here and there, expecting for some more good stories.

In fact, there were a lot of choices I have had. There were paperback's books, general books, romance, health, sports and humuor. Mostly I've got is from the paperback. I don't really know the author well though, but I managed to choose seven books out of the dozens of books at the fair.

It didn't cost much of the money. What we care is whether the books worth of buying. I can tell you, it's worth of buying. I really spend much more lesser than buying a book from a bookstore, and most importantly, I heard it's instead a charity fair. Thus, I'm indirectly doing some charity there.

I started to read one of the books bought. So far, the story goes well. It's still in a good impression. I should be able to finish it anytime sooner only if I'm not too busy or tired since I'm having class now.

Today, I'm in my college for new subject. The lecturer is a new girl from some where else. She looks okay, but kind of not having enough experience. How I wish she can voice up a little bit more, like what my secondary teacher used to tell me: "Don't eat up your words!". She was doing that just now.

I'm quite okay with the class but not until I found out she's not teaching step by step. Ahh...let me rephrase! I shall say she's not telling us clearly the steps. Therefore, I believe most of us would find ourselves getting lost during revision later.

Worst of all, she even took up some of our time to finish her lesson. We are suppose to have class till 1pm only. At the end, we ended class at 1.30pm. I know this would shows her responsibility in her career, but can't she think of students who might not be driving on their on?! She'll get them into trouble. Some parents might be using their lunch hour to pick up their children. If you took up some of their time out of sudden just with a question: "You don't have class after this right?!", then, who would replace back the half and hour that their parents lost...?! She really should have asked us: "Any one of you not driving on their own?" instead. She just forgot to bring her brain into the class as a whole I think~~ @.@

Huhh..., she really gave me a bad impression today. I know she's new. So what?! New doesn't mean don't know. If really don't know, please ask!!! That's what lecturer always teaches us, don't they?!